We've found the best excuse for a poor performance ever as one X user defends Micky van de Ven

Micky van de Ven had a nightmare at St James' Park yesterday being directly involved in three of Newcastle United's four goals as Tottenham were given an education in how to use ball possession.

All of the pre-match buildup and even a lot of the match commentary in the first half an hour focused on Micky van de Ven, how good he is and how fast he is, then the 22-year-old went on to have a horrendous game for Spurs.

Granted, it wasn't all his fault, he was left exposed by his teammates, but for all the praise he was getting he should have been stopping shots like Neo from the Matrix, not falling over every time one of our lads changed direction.

However, one X user whose profile says "MSc in Sports Management and Business with a UEFA B Coaching License. Driven to tactical ideas, not emotions and biases." went and issued a rather biased and emotional defense of Micky van de Ven which culminated in the best excuse ever.

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This is why football is so great, it promotes lateral thinking like this

We're not going to mention the account or link to it because we don't want to cause a pile-on and be accused of bullying, but honestly, the excuse coming from this chap was too good to not mention.

"I am an analyst, not a fortune teller.

"I think that game will give you an idea of who actually understands football, and who needs to potentially pick up cricket.

"Ask them how many goals Van De Ven was at fault for.

"If they say more than 1, tell them to pick up a different sport. Football is not for them.

"The first 3 goals all stemmed from errors from teammates. It just shows Tottenham’s reliance on Van De Ven.

"None of the goals involved Van De Ven getting dominated 1v1, they just got lucky with a few slips. Does not downplay his ability as a defender.

"Fair play to Newcastle, they came prepared and obviously modified the pitch in some way to give them an advantage. It is part of the game and the concept of home advantage."

This has to be up there as one of the best excuses ever

Let me just run that by you again ... Newcastle obviously modified the pitch in some way.

We watered it, mate. Standard practice at every ground. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read this. Absolutely brilliant.

Anyway, I'm off to enjoy some cricket as clearly I don't understand football.